Famous, my first-born, is about to enter kindergarten and he is a thousand percent more ready than I am for it. See, he is not the typical five year old boy and I’m constantly worrying about him. He sincerely is a one-of-a-kind, little dude. He’s extremely imaginative, overly sensitive, unbelievably cautious, and super-duper sharp. He has displayed these personality traits since birth. At first I thought Famous’ behaviors might be due to having an in-house babysitter while I was still teaching. Maybe spending so much one-on-one time with adults makes a child socially immature with his peers? So shortly after being laid off, I joined one of those Mommy groups, since I didn’t know many stay at home mamas at the time, and then I noticed how well-spoken my child was in comparison to other twenty month olds. Famous was speaking in full sentences, enunciating every word perfectly, had a mature vocabulary and had plenty to say. I’ll never forget one of the moms in charge of said mommy group asked me how old my son was and when I told her she looked shocked and a bit in disbelief. As if I would lie about something like that. Now this particular group was specifically for children born in the year 2008, and until I joined I guess this broad’s daughter was the developmental frontrunner of the group. Then her shocked look and annoyed tone made a bit more sense to me. She was obviously one of those super competitive-measure her child against all others types. After that little exchange I could overhear her telling the other moms “He’s only two weeks older than my Janie! Look how tall he is… Can you believe how well-spoken he is? I can’t believe he’s the same age as these kids!” Her little comments continued at each play date and I tolerated it until I realized Famous could not care less about interacting with the other kids. He had taken zero interest in any one child and likewise for me with the moms. This mommy group was a total bust for Famous and myself.
As I continued on my quest to socialize my child I noticed more “differences” between Famous and other children his age. He doesn’t enjoy athletic activities or competitive play. He hates getting dirty or wet (unless he’s in proper water-friendly attire), and sand. The kid loathes sand. Loud noises bother him. Any carnival or fair we attended ended in tears due to his overstimulation. He used to dislike music, but currently, he loves sing-along-songs and a music video by Imagine Dragons because of the stuffed animal fighting ring in it, but other than that music is no bueno and he can’t stand anyone singing it. He’s sensitive to hot and cold water, he isn’t quite sure where his imagination ends and reality begins and the most frustrating for me is how picky of an eater this kid is. I swear he approaches every meal I give him as if it is poison and I’m trying to kill him. First he smells the food, then he picks it up between his fingers and squashes it to get a better idea of its texture and then refuses it. No matter what it is. “Mama, it’s too bumpy… it’s too green, or that’s not what my mouth likes.” Lastly, the kid stopped napping at age two and rarely sleeps beyond 7am no matter what time he went to bed the previous night. All of these things baffled me a bit because it seemed every OTHER child enjoyed most of these activities and stimulants, at least one or two types of food, and everyone enjoys sleep, right? I wondered if I was responsible for these “differences”. As I began to grow my mommy friends I was able to see some other differences in behavior. Famous’ attention span for story time was enormous. He loved being read to… for hours. He was extremely imaginative in his play and would only let me play with him if I promised to followed his instructions. Also, the kid could build anything. He’s an architectural phenom… in my eyes. He could play by himself for extended periods of time and preferred indoor play over anything outdoor. As my first-born, Famous’ unique personality was all I knew. It wasn’t until Slim joined our family and displayed his own personality traits, regardless of my mothering skills, that I was able to really understand that I didn’t do anything to make Famous the way he is… he just is who he is.
Now that I recognize these differences and Famous has been in preschool and had teachers that can also see his unique qualities I’ve been extremely open to opinions and advice from them. His first preschool teacher was clueless and never took the time to really get to know Famous so she wasn’t helpful and his second preschool teacher has been very open with her opinion of Famous and has given me her advice regarding his future educational experience which I appreciate, but I don’t agree with. She actually mentioned the words homeschooling and medication at one meeting and I was floored. I could not disagree more and I’m proud of myself for not responding to that nonsense how I really wanted to because it wouldn’t have turned out well. I have reservations about Famous going into a public kindergarten only because of the amount of students to teacher ratio and the rate in which teachers are being laid off and how that affects teacher performance. My child requires a bit more attention and I’m afraid he won’t get it. Being that Famous’ preschool was a co-op I was able to be in the classroom and see how his day panned out. I could see that during social times of the day many of the other children played group games and Famous wasn’t interested. Since he showed no interest, the other students showed no interest in inviting him to play them. When it would be time to transition from one activity to another, Famous would need more warning than the other students or he would get frustrated and emotional. When snack time rolled around my kid rarely ate because “he didn’t like it” even though most of the time it was food he had never even tried before. When it was story time or there was a discussion on a new topic Famous was at full attention and absorbed all that was discussed while other students might get restless and distracted. He picked up on new concepts with ease and he would contribute his two cents to the curriculum often. These things made Famous stand apart, different. At this point in his life he is unaware of those differences. My concern is what his educational experience is going to be like once he’s aware that he is different? Is it going to be a positive or negative realization for him? Or is he going to be unaffected? I worry about his happiness. I worry about how he’s going to develop in the educational system that we are offered.
Thankfully, a few good friends have come across some great articles in the recent past that reminded each of them of Famous and passed them my way. These articles discussed young children with so many of the quirky qualities Famous possesses as being gifted individuals. From there I started conducting some research of my own when I came across a psychologist named Kazimierz Dabrowski and his theory on, what he called, Overexcitability and the Gifted. From there I found an author named Stephanie Tolan who elaborates on Dabrowski’s theories. An excerpt from her work:
Dabrowski talked about OE’s – over-excitabilities (“superstimulatabilities”), and how the gifted were extremely sensitive in a variety of areas. It’s a stimulus-response difference from the norms. It means that in these 5 areas a person reacts more strongly than normal for a longer period than normal to a stimulus that may be very small. It involves not just psychological factors but central nervous system sensitivity. Stephanie Tolan, Dabrowski’s Over-excitabilities, A Layman’s Explanation
Can I tell you how interesting this is to me? How eager I am to learn more? How much better I feel knowing that somewhere out there is meaningful literature to hopefully point me in the right direction to help my son be as successful as he possibly can be? I’m ecstatic. I’m hopeful. I’m not as confused and unsure as I was before stumbling upon this. I am, however, still uneasy about my baby starting kindergarten and getting thrown into a classroom full of five year olds that don’t understand him. I just hope that he finds someone who he can connect with. Someone that’s as sensitive, caring, imaginative, and inquisitive as my little man is. Because if he’s unhappy in the classroom how is he suppose to learn and grow? I read so many heartbreaking stories about children that are victimized by their peers because they are different and I worry that maybe that could happen to my baby. And then I remember how crazy I am and I worry for the child and his/her parent that has to feel my wrath if they ever hurt my child…
famousslimandmighty 